She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
