Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
