i wish starbucks made bloody marys
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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