I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
