This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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