You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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