my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love you. Go after that dick
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