woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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