I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I came so hard my ears popped.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
