I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
