she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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