i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
