so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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