Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
