Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Randomize
