Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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