take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're like the curious george of whores
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
