Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
