im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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