between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
