eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
