I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
