mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
