Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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