i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
