I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
