onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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