the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
