Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh god it's open bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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