You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
