I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
