i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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