I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
