I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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