i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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