Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
