no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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