How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
