You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
