I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
