Already got asked if we're dating
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
