Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
