there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
