I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize