i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize