Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
