whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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