There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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