sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
