Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
