Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He better not be in your backpack
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
