'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
