I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
