this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
