New game: find the sober person in Tbell
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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