He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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