1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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