is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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