I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
