i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
