my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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