her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm getting married
To pizza
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
