While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
