party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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