i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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