She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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