i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
