the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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